Yesterday, I walked on to a public golf course alone and was put with a daddy and his boy. I so enjoyed watching the father and his 13-year old son play golf and enjoy being together. It stirred memories of similar times with my own kids, now grown, times that we men love to re-live.
For Father’s Day, I had been writing two articles, neither of which made it to this space. The first was an effort to put myself into our heavenly Father’s place and understand His feelings as He looked down upon Jesus and said to Peter, James, and John, “This is My Son. Hear Him!”
God is jealous for the honor which is due His Son! Any religion that negates the supreme role of Jesus or tries to elevate someone or something as His equal is deceived and wrong.
What I had seen was that the Father’s Day was His pride in the maturity, righteousness, and perfect obedience of His own firstborn Son, Jesus Christ. This holy joy of the Father is repeated and sustained as Jesus achieves what He set out to do, that is, “bring many sons to glory.”
Jesus desires to show us a taste of what He experiences eternally. I am convinced that our God, the Almighty LORD of the Bible, has genuine fatherly pride in His children and longs for intimate fellowship with them which includes having fun and sharing His heart.
This is the real Father’s Day, in the sense of “This is your day!” When we walk in faith or keep our integrity or display honor for things God that honors, it becomes God’s day, a day of pleasure for the One who is the source of all fatherhood. It’s a day of celebration, pride, and
accomplishment; of finishing what heaven set out to do in the beginning and restoring what had been lost by sin. It has little to do with religion and a lot to do with relationships.
The second article I began to write had to do with a parable of a
failed spiritual father. In that story, which I will reserve for a
chapter in my book on apostolic development, the sinner wasn’t the son,
but the spiritual father (pastor, apostle, leader) who failed the son
by consuming all the finances on himself to the degree that there was
no room to help the next generation succeed.
The bigger issue is that God’s leaders are failing to equip their
followers to be sent out. Picture a daddy who adds another room on to
his house and tells his grown sons, “Stay here with me… you don’t need
to have your own home.” This kind of paternalism is common when pastors
are in charge of resources rather than apostles.
Then, I began to get emails from folks all over who have just
rediscovered a prophetic word I had written nine years ago entitled
“The Spirit of Rejection.” That word described the suffering and
insecurity of human souls denied the confident strength that comes from
good fathers.
For this Father’s Day, I want to re-send that word after I insert a few
preliminary thoughts. May God bless you all on this Father’s Day! If
your earthly dad is still alive, do something today to show your
appreciation to him.
Honor your FatherWe rightly call George Washington the “Father of our Country.” The more
you read about his life, the more you can see how we were blessed to
have men like him as pillars of our nation. These early pioneers were
venerable men. They debated great ideas and stood for noble principles
at great personal sacrifice.
When Ronald Reagan passed away, America displayed genuine honor toward
his life. We laid to rest a true “National Father.” (The Hand of
Providence by Mary Beth Brown wonderfully tells of Reagan’s deep faith
in God) Fathers of such stature impact our lives for good. Fatherhood
and the honor due it has nothing to do with perfection, but rather with
largeness of heart, genuine care for those under their charge, and
honorable motivations. To be called a father is indeed an honor. It is
not automatically achieved by siring offspring but it is earned by a
lifetime of purposeful dedication to the welfare of the family (or
nation, or business, or church). Not every leader attains to this level
of respect or achievement.
In the Bible, God commands that honor be given to fathers. This is so
important that it’s listed as one of The Ten Commandments. Have you
considered this point? If you eliminate any of these ten pillars, the
resulting culture will be less ideal than what our Creator graciously
intended. Diluting or editing the Ten Commandments is harmful to our
welfare, especially the requirement that we honor our father.
Fatherhood scores Ten Points!When God devotes pages of His Scripture to a topic, it isn’t just
filler material. To look at it another way, honoring fathers takes up
ten percent of God’s operating system intended to run our lives.
Disable this feature and you cripple the code that makes human life
work well. You could say that “honor your father” is a Prime Directive.
It is an Old Testament commandment clearly repeated in the New
Testament. (Ephesians 6:1-4) It has universal applications.
There are some very important reasons why this Divine Law is needed in
human society. There are also practical safeguards to observe as we
work toward elevating the level of honor directed toward fathers among
us.
Years ago I heard Bill Glass, the ex-pro football player with a huge
prison ministry, tell about the thousands of inmates he had
interviewed. He made this statement: “Among ten thousand prisoners I’ve
talked to, I never found one who didn’t hate his father.” Lack of good
fathering is costly. Failing to honor our fathers is costly.
Fathers establish ValuesThe absence of an effective father (or the perversion of a father’s
role) is the most critical issue today in both the family and in the
church. Nothing can cause as much lasting damage to the natural family
or as much serious damage to God’s spiritual family as these two
errors.
I was reminded of how vital this topic is when I taught a Spanish
church recently regarding the issue of honoring spiritual fathers. This
pastor was planting a new church as a tent maker but the people were
not properly supporting him financially. I taught on the The Steps of
Faith of Father Abraham and described how Abraham had faith to tithe
based upon his desire to honor the Lord. He acknowledged the Source of
his blessings in a practical way by worshipping God with his wealth.
Abraham did this long before there was any Law of Moses with its
instructions about supporting those called to the ministry. He did it
by a revelation of God. And of course, he realized the blessing of
tithing which often falls upon subsequent generations.
Many people are prospering now even though they may be presently
rebelling against God, not realizing that their blessing was paid for
by previous parents and grandparents who honored God with the tithes
and offerings. We invoke a curse or a blessing on our children by how
we handle core issues of faith and finances.
Fathers honor GodDid you know the Bible refers to Abraham as our father? You know the
story. Abram was childless. He and Sarai (later renamed Abraham and
Sarah) were led to move away from their kinfolk to a new land. Many
years passed from when he first heard God make the promise of a son and
when the fulfillment came– in fact, it took 25 years from the initial
word to its realization.
Can you imagine enduring that long in an impossible situation when all
you had was a word from God? What would people say of you? Few people
can hold on to a promise for that long and not cast off away
confidence.
Despite the delays and trials, Abram didn’t quit believing God. That’s
why he’s called the “father of all who believe.” (Rom. 4:11) He
pioneered steps of faith that are still an example to us today. The
fact is, faith honors God. Therefore, God honored Abraham. (Heb. 11:6)
Abraham was a real believer.
Fathers never quit being FathersI won’t go into all the various points of how Abraham demonstrated the
nature of fatherhood for us. But the fact is, he acted like a father
even before he became a father by training his 318 household servants,
men who were so loyal they followed him into a battle. This was before
he ever had children of his own. (Gen 14:14) He acted fatherly toward
Lot, his nephew, both giving him preferential space for his herds and
later by rescuing him.
God knew Abraham’s character and based on that foreknowledge, made an
everlasting covenant to bless him and his offspring and give them the
land. This covenant was not made with a political leader, nor was it
made with a charismatic preacher, but it was cut with a man who walked
in integrity, kept the faith, and behaved like a father. (Gen 18:19)
Fathers minister the Spirit of Adoption by unconditionally accepting
their children. That acceptance isn’t tolerance, as in “anything goes.”
Rather, acceptance is the opposite of rejection.
A father’s accepting is demonstrated by upholding what is right, by
being there and remaining involved, by correcting their child when
needed, by loving their mother, by providing faithfully for the
family’s material needs, and by being an example of a follower of Jesus
Christ who lives in the community of believers. Rejection is manifested
by being emotionally distant, by not taking time to listen to your
children, by putting them low on the list of your priorities.
The Spirit of Rejection (original article)
by Ron Wood
Alienation, isolation, and rejection are paralyzing the church.
Loneliness is like a plague on the land. The ties that knit our lives
together seem to have unravelled. Covenant love has grown cold and
casual contacts can‚t replace them. The tapestry of society is like a
mass of individual threads, no longer woven together. Broken homes from
divorces provide a vivid picture of our inability to stay in meaningful
relationships. (In Cuba, where I have ministered, the divorce rate is
78%.) Ask any modern school teacher how many children in their
classroom still have the same original parents. The answer is always,
“Hardly any.” The feeling of abandonment hurts. These kids usually
suffer from rejection.
Even if you can't explain it, you can describe it. It is a reality in
our souls. What is rejection and what does it do to people?
Rejection affects adults as well. Many people have come to full age
still carrying the scars of emotional, physical, or sexual abuse. These
men and women look normal but inside they are filled with terrible
insecurity, anger, or fear. Others are sitting on a ticking emotional
time-bomb of resentment and rebellion, just waiting to boil over into
rage. These scars, if left unhealed, will render a person incapable of
entering into committed, wholesome, long-term relationships.
One particular problem is very common. It undermines the confidence of
many Christians and interferes with true fellowship between friends. It
is a lying spirit from our enemy called a spirit of rejection.
Rejection is the worst pain the human spirit can suffer. Anyone who has
been abandoned, suffered abuse, or endured discrimination can relate to
this kind of anguish. Let‚s examine this assault from Satan so we can
recognize this form of mental oppression.
The Mind-Set of RejectionFirst, the spirit of rejection refers to the mind-set ingrained into us
which tells us that we are unloved, unwanted, or will never be good
enough. This may start in childhood. This mind-set makes us strive to
earn our acceptance. It makes people feel driven to perform in order to
be approved. This mind-set makes people feel they are loved for what
they do rather than for who they are. It is demeaning. It robs people
of peace. The sad thing is that no amount of achievement is ever enough
to satisfy it.
In other people, the injustice of being treated unfairly or rejected or
disrespected makes them boil over in anger. They quit trying to fit in,
rebel against everyone, and try to break out of the box being forced on
them. In refusing to be a victim, they may victimize others. Resentment
covers their soul like a dark shroud. They wind up in an emotional
prison of their own making.
The mind-set of rejection is the result of having believed a lie. It is
a syndrome of self-talk that comes from being programmed with
falsehoods. Having been told a lie often enough, victims begin to say,
“Yes, it’s true.” The lie becomes accepted when the victim agrees with
the accusations. They become their own accuser. They have internalized
the venom. The deceit becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy. The victim
begins to expect to be rejected and thus sabotages their own
relationships.
This mental stronghold of rejection is powerful. It will be torn down
only when we find God’s Word about our case and choose to believe the
truth instead of a lie. Only God’s truth can set us free. The truth
will connect us to God’s love. God’s love will cure our wounded souls.
The Wounds of RejectionThe spirit of rejection also refers to the residue within our
personality of being deeply wounded. This mental or emotional scarring
can occur due to being neglected, abandoned or abused. It can also come
from being betrayed, being shamed, or being made to feel unloved.
Racial discrimination often leaves scars of rejection. Children who
were abused sexually suffer cruelly from this inner hurt. Divorce can
also leave a lingering, festering wound. The fear of being rejected can
make a person run from relationships. They reject others before they
themselves are rejected. They spiritually “stiff-arm” those who try to
get close.
Just like you can be injured in your flesh and form a bruise or a scar,
so you can be injured in your inner man and develop a sensitive place
or perhaps a hardened area like a scab on your feelings. When that
irritated place gets touched, a reaction occurs. The Bible speaks of
having a “wounded spirit.” One symptom of having a wounded spirit is
that you feel absolutely nothing, like you are dead inside. Another
symptom is that you are hypersensitive in that area and can explode at
the slightest provocation. God’s unconditional love, realized and
received, can cure this wound.
A Lying Spirit called RejectionThe spirit of rejection is also a specific lying spirit, a demonic
messenger from Satan. This spirit whispers to people that they are
unloved, not wanted, or are being ridiculed. The devil inflames
insecurities and fears. This demon seeks to undermine the Christian’s
true standing before God as a saved, cleansed, redeemed child of God.
He does this by lying and attempting to deceive the believer regarding
God’s love, the atoning work of the cross, and our righteousness before
God.
This lying spirit comes between family members and divides brothers and
sisters and makes them feel isolated. The spirit of rejection pours
gasoline on the fires of racial hatred. This demon is very successful
in splitting up marriages, churches, and partnerships. These are vital
relationships which the Holy Spirit wants to establish between friends.
These relationships are necessary in the Body of Christ in order for
God’s work to be done. Disunity, like divorce, often has this lying
spirit as its agent provocateur.
The Spirit of AdoptionTo understand the spirit of rejection, we need to understand its
opposite, which is the spirit of adoption. In the Bible, Romans chapter
eight speaks of God’s antidote to the spirit of rejection. This cure
comes from our Heavenly Father, through the grace of our Lord Jesus,
and is born witness to by the Holy Spirit. It is called the spirit of
adoption. This is the Holy Spirit telling us that God the Father loves
us and Jesus accepts us.
Sin and suffering cause people to be cut off from God and mistreat one
another. Many unsaved adults are mad at God or are so deeply hurt that
they blame God. This resentment keeps them from feeling God’s love.
Their image of God is wrong so they refuse to accept Him. God’s grace
offers us pardon even while we are angry and sinning. God knows we need
to be healed of the consequences of our sins and the injuries of sins
committed against us by others, even our parents. The spirit of
adoption comes from heaven’s throne. It can also be mediated by
unconditional acceptance through other Christians. When we accept one
another in Christ, relationships in Christ’s body are formed. The Holy
Spirit connects us together and affirms our self-worth. We are
empowered to appreciate each other.
God’s merciful provision for our healing comes by Christ’s atonement on
the cross. It is made real and effective in our lives when we confess
our sins and receive His forgiveness. Then the Holy Spirit comes into
our heart and testifies that we have become God’s child. He does this
by bearing witness in our spirit that we are adopted by God. This is
the spirit of adoption.
The spirit of adoption goes beyond believing that God loves us; it is
the actual felt love of God, so that we are enabled to know that God
loves us. It ends loneliness, literally forever!
This marvelous work of affirming who we are in Christ is the work of
the Holy Spirit, the Spirit of truth. He only bears witness to what is
true. He testifies in our spirit that we are truly loved by God. The
Holy Spirit uses the Scriptures as well as the affirming voice of God
to tell us the truth about ourselves. God’s voice will cause us to know
God’s thoughts toward us. Those thoughts, always in agreement with the
Scriptures, will reprove us of our sin and will affirm us as His
children, but will never condemn us or drive us away. God will always
tell us the truth in a merciful way. Our response is to believe what
God says. Believing the truth about what Jesus did for us and believing
the truth about who we are in Christ sets us free. We need to believe
both aspects of the truth about Jesus and about ourselves.
The truth is, God likes us! His love toward us is tremendous. He wants
us to really know Him and He wants to dwell in our hearts. God wants us
to have fellowship with Him without condemnation. He accepts us into
His family by virtue of Christ’s work on the cross. He gives us a new
identity as His sons and daughters.
Unlike some earthly fathers who failed us, our Heavenly Father will
never abandon us. He will not cast away His children. God maintains a
relationship with His offspring so that we need never fear being
rejected by Him. His love is steadfast. It is covenant love.
Recovering From RejectionGod understands rejection and knows how to remedy its pain. Christ was
rejected when He came to His own people and they would not receive Him.
“He came to that which was his own, but his own did not receive him.” (John 1:11). He endured rejection when He bore our sins. “He was despised and rejected by men, a man of sorrows, and familiar with suffering. Like one from whom men hide their faces he was despised, and
we esteemed him not.” (Isaiah 53:3).
In other words, he specifically included in His suffering the
substitutionary pain which was required to relieve us of our rejection.
He bore it so we don‚t have to. On the cross, He felt the pain of being
cut off from his heavenly Father. “My God, my God, why hast thou
forsaken me?” (Mt. 27:46).
God understands your feelings. Therefore, He can be touched with your
pain and is ready to heal you. “For we do not have a high priest who is
unable to sympathize with our weaknesses, but we have one who has been
tempted in every way, just as we are-- yet was without sin. Let us then
approach the throne of grace with confidence, so that we may receive
mercy and find grace to help us in our time of need.” (Hebrews
4:15-16).
Diagnosing RejectionHere’s how to diagnose if you suffer from the spirit of rejection.
Three areas to examine are circumstances, emotions, and thoughts.
Let’s start with your circumstances. Did you have an alcoholic parent?
Were your parents divorced? Were you abused? Have you been abandoned or
betrayed in marriage? Have you suffered from discrimination? Have you
had to break away from a controlling relationship? Have you been
repeatedly de-valued as a person? If you fit any of these categories,
then you could be a victim of the rejection syndrome.
Now let’s consider your emotional hot-buttons. Do you have great
difficulty receiving correction? Do you take it personally and get
offended? Do you resent all authority? Do you get angry for no apparent
reason? Or, Do you have an unnatural need for everyone to like you?
Does the need for approval control your decisions? Does insecurity
sweep over you? Are you plagued by chronic self-doubt? Do you wrestle
with chronic bouts of loneliness? At times, do you despair of life, or
are you tempted to take your own life? If so, then you probably battle
rejection.
In addition to these diagnostic questions, ask yourself this about your
thought life. What kind of thoughts run through your mind when you are
with a group of people? Would you characterize these thoughts as mostly
negative or positive? The spirit of rejection inserts these kinds of
thoughts: “These people don’t love me.” “They won’t talk to me.” I’m
not worthy to be here.” “I know they are judging me.” “They don’t
really want me here.” This is mental torment that typifies the spirit
of rejection.
Inner Healing & DeliveranceIf these questions point to your problem as the spirit of rejection,
then you need to take it to God in prayer. If the problem persists, get
someone to pray with you for deliverance. But first, realize this,
rejection often carries with it unforgiveness toward those who have
offended you. We might have been an innocent victim, but we have to
take responsibility now for our reactions. We can’t do away with our
will and our choices or our reactions. We can be sinned against, begin
to cherish a grudge, and as a result, begin to sin against our
oppressors. Unforgiveness is itself a sin.
God’s grace will enable you to make a choice, to give forgiveness to
all those for whom you hold grudges. This is important! Freedom won’t
come without this vital step of forgiving others. In this case, your
forgiveness must be explicit, by name, and it must be spoken aloud even
if it is only to God, and even if it is for someone who is now dead.
That does not matter. God is the judge of the living and the dead.
Don’t make any exceptions.
Don’t allow any resentment to remain in your heart. Healing begins with
a decision to repent and to give undeserved forgiveness. Give away
grace and God will give grace to you. Repent of all bitterness and
hatred.
When forgiveness is totally accomplished, it paves the way for
successful inner healing. Inner healing is the actual curing of your
soul of the wounds and traumas you have suffered and accumulated. The
finger of God touches the sore spots and makes them well. This is the
transformation of the inner man, the end to unrighteous reactions and
automatic defenses. It is being at peace in Christ.
Inner healing must accompany deliverance. The place where damaged
emotions have given way to this mind-set of rejection must be torn
down, or else deliverance will be merely temporary.
The house of your thought life must be swept and cleaned, then occupied
with God’s reassuring truth and love. Determine to think God’s
thoughts. This is a decision you must make in order to be free.
Automatic judgements, racial prejudices, and defensive reactions need
to be removed.
Take all negative thoughts captive. Don’t let them rule over your mind.
Replace them with words and images of faith that come from your
heavenly Father. Take God’s thoughts, God’s attitude, God’s will as
your creed, not the words of this sinful world.
Repeat what the Scriptures say until they replace the lies you’ve
heard. Soak in God’s word and let it renew your mind. Meditate on the
Scriptures until faith, hope, and self-acceptance fills your
personality. This takes time but it is something you can do for
yourself.
Renounce the spirit of rejection and stand against it. To renounce
means to take a stand against something that you had previously been
identified with or had claim to. Like renouncing your citizenship, it
is a legal action that has power to affect your status. Pray aloud and
say with your own words that rejection will not rule over you.
Instead, ask God for His fatherly affirmation. Ask God to give you the
spirit of adoption. Every child needs to hear their father’s voice
saying, “You’re mine and I love you!”
After you’ve prayed against rejection, read the Scriptures, especially
the epistles of the New Testament. They teach us our new identity in
Christ, to “lay aside the old self” and “be renewed in the spirit of
your mind.” (Eph. 4:22) Replace Satan’s lies with God’s word. Soak your
thoughts in the truth of who God is, what He has done for you, and who
you are in Christ. Banish all self-doubts. Tell yourself the truth
until you truly believe it. Find new friends in Christ who affirm you
and love you with God’s love. “See how great a love the Father has
bestowed upon us, that we should be called the children of God.” I John
3:1.
Recovering in CommunityGod loves us so much He accepts us just as we are! Yet, He loves us too
much to leave us like we are. This tension between acceptance and
transformation is the balancing act of divine love. God tells us the
truth about ourselves so that He can build us up, not put us down.
God’s love is full of light. It illuminates our hurt areas then it
heals them. Having the light hit our injured heart may seem painful at
first. But Biblical repentance always leads to restoration. Why?
Because that’s the nature of our wonderful Lord. He is a true redeemer.
Our Father in heaven knows we cannot change ourselves. So, He credits
us with the worthiness of Christ while He works in us and on us to
conform us to Christ’s image. Here is where we learn to believe the
right thing, and a result, to have the right feelings, and to behave
properly. The cross is our exchange post. At the cross of Christ we
exchange our sins for His righteousness, our failure for His success,
our guilt for His holiness. And all the while, God wants to surround us
with other transformed believers who can help us make the journey.
One part of our Father’s plan is the community of believers. Here is
where we learn to belong in the body of Christ. God wants to plant us
in a place that will help us stay well. Here, we experience God’s love
through human hands. “Now hope does not disappoint because the love of
God has been poured out in our hearts by the Holy Spirit who has been
given to us.” (Rom. 5:5 NAS). God’s kind of love constantly believes
the best. It is always filled with hope and encouragement. God’s love
has a vertical dimension, between God and us. It also has a horizontal
dimension between us and others.
The essence of Christian community is our acceptance of and acceptance
by our brothers and sisters in Christ. “Wherefore, accept one another,
just as Christ also accepted us to the glory of God.” (Romans 15:7)
Unfortunately, some churches are sick with legalism. Some groups
emphasize individualism so much that no one ever thinks to love one
another or to build Christian community.
It is important for Christians who are recovering from a spirit of
rejection to belong to a church which is not contaminated by an
atmosphere of criticism. That error results in an emphasis on law
instead of grace. According to Romans 7, this defeats the purpose of
grace and aggravates our failures. Instead, we need to walk in the
grace that sets us free by virtue of Christ’s complete atonement and
His indwelling presence in our lives. The church should be a place
where it is safe to be a sinner on the way to being saved, where we
feel loved even when we know we are still weak and imperfect.
God’s Word prevails over the spirit of rejection. The Father’s mercy,
poured out by the Holy Spirit in the church, affirms for us God’s love
and acceptance.
God wants to heal us of the internal strongholds that have been hidden
inside us. Only then, with Christ’s love and authority and truth, can
we be prepared and strengthened to pull down the external or heavenly
strongholds that damage society and enslave humanity.
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The Spirit of Rejection ©1995 by Ron Wood. Ron is the president of
Touched by Grace Inc. Visit us at www.touchedbygrace.org. Feel free to
duplicate this article for distribution as long as it is unchanged and
this byline and attribution of authorship remains.