The Shame Game

One of the most powerful weapons Satan uses against believers is shame.
Shame afflicts people internally in their emotions and affects people
externally in their relationships. Shame is an enemy of heartfelt faith
and a thief that prevents peace with God. In teaching on deliverance
from bondages recently, this was an issue that came up as a hindrance
to many people.

My dad habitually abused alcohol. I remember the shame of seeing him
drunk. He was a creative man and a talented leader, but was brought
down by shame. Asan adult, I found grace to forgive him and soon God
saved him. The love of my heavenly Father washed me of the feelings of
shame I had carried for years.

What is shame and how does it affect us? First, it is more than mere
embarrassment.

Shame is an insult to the human soul that becomes lodged in the heart
by a penetrating blow. It strikes deep like an arrow into an
individual’s emotions where self-respect originates. From there, shame
releases paralyzing doubts, hobbling accusations, and disqualifying
arguments. Once shame has taken root, it remains a source of hidden
pollution, difficult to diagnose or dislodge, a constant aggravation
that hinders full life or joy or peace.

The Bible says in Ephesians 6:17 that our defense against the devil's
fiery darts is the shield of faith. Only a shield strong in faith can
extinguish flaming arrows. We can't stop the arrows from being aimed at
us: that's part of our job description as warriors for God. But we can
intercept them before they strike our vulnerable soul.

Shame was not part of God’s original intent for humanity. In the Garden
of Eden, the Creator enjoyed daily fellowship with Adam. The Bible
specifically points out that Adam was naked but not ashamed. Shame was
unknown until after the fall due to sin. Adam and Eve clothed
themselves, suddenly self-conscious as they faced their mortality and
their alienation from God’s glory.

The slithering assault by Satan succeeded in tempting them to sin, thus
injecting shame into their relationship with God. They lost their
privilege of eternal life; lost their unlimited access to God; and lost
the dignity of the image of their Father. Shame still makes people
hide. It still makes people cover up their true identity. It still
makes people run from the light.

In a universe of free moral agents, the power to choose carries the
risk of violating the Creator's will. A way of escape from sin is
needed, a Savior. Confession of sin requires honesty with God and faith
to receive forgiveness. Just like it is hard for us to comprehend the
height from which Adam fell, it is difficult to grasp the awesomeness
of the grace our holy God displays when He lifts us out of our sin.

To understand shame, we need to look at the difference between
conviction and condemnation. Conviction is good and clean, not unholy.
Conviction is the work of the Holy Spirit as He disturbs the conscience
of an individual, warning them that they are trespassing. The
definition of sin is "to miss the mark," "to fall short," or to
"transgress." Jesus said the Spirit of God would convict the world of
sin. The good thing about conviction is that it is filled with hope. If
you repent, you can return and be healed!

On the other hand, condemnation has no such hope. The voice of
condemnation says, "You've always been this way. You will never be able
to overcome. You may as well give up, curse God, and die." The purpose
of conviction is to restore while the intent of condemnation is to
disparage, belittle, weaken, demoralize, and bring despair. Conviction
pulls you toward God and toward wholeness. Condemnation makes you want
to flee from God’s presence and hide.

Shame may begin with insults or disrespect by those you trusted or
looked to as authority figures. A true father will never shame his sons
or daughters but will affirm them. This is true even when they need
correction or discipline.

Verbal shame may take many forms: "You're stupid." "You've always been
fat." "You couldn't organize a three-car funeral procession." "Why
can't you handle money?" "You're no good." Notice, the most common
agent of shame is a human being. The method by which shaming occurs are
words: malicious, stinging words.

Shame is actually spiritual slander. It is not based on truth, but is a
clever accusation, a distortion of Scripture, half-truths designed to
distract and destroy. Shame is like a poisoned blade slid like a sharp
knife between the ribs of an unsuspecting believer; a wound infected
with a lying spirit. It needs to be cleansed and closed.

Leaders, anyone called of God to stand in an office or under an
anointing, are the special targets of shame. Satan forms weapons
carefully crafted to unseat these leaders, to impugn their integrity,
to undermine their authority, so that he can sow chaos and disorder in
the ranks and dishearten them. Gossip is one form of hate mail Satan
uses. Another weapon the devil uses is the media.

The media in free nations exercises a powerful position of being a
channel of ideas and images. Images can be manipulated and viewpoints
can be interjected until the net effect is a fog of wrong thinking
which blurs the real truth. The media, in a sense, can cast a spell
over the minds of those who absorb its images without critical
analysis. This type of manipulation is also known as witchcraft. Paul
said believers could be "bewitched" to the point that the cross of
Christ was obscured (Galatians 3:1). If it was true then, it is still
possible today, especially with the awesome power of television to
inject ideas and images that warp right thinking.

Many of you reading this may say, "I've been slimed with shame!" Like a
computer infected with a virus, you’ve carried an indictment against
yourself that the Court of Heaven did not issue. How do you get free?
What do you do to escape the emotional quagmire of shame?

Generally, people are bound by shame in certain areas. In women, the
area of self-image is often tainted with shame. The mental tape player
repeats, “I’m not attractive. I’m not pretty. I’m overweight.” With
men, the shame may have to do with youthful exposure to sexual images
that left a defiled imagination or unrealistic expectations of their
spouse. These areas produce inhibitions or bondages in the sexual area
and contaminate the joy of acceptance and fulfillment in marriage. Or
maybe you were left shamed and shackled by bankruptcy or business
failure, or you suffered by comparison with your peers, or you endured
poverty as a child or abuse as a spouse or were painfully divorced.

Other people have been targeted by Satan to diminish their faith or
reduce their anointing. In fact, the more grace God has given you, the
more you may be assaulted to thwart your effectiveness. The calling of
God on your life may lead you down paths of great peril as a pioneer.
Realistically, not all pioneers survive the journey through uncharted
territory. Many arrived wounded, suffering loss of property or lives.
The suffering they encountered along the way was not because they were
wicked but because they were willing to obey God and take a risk of
faith. Having survived, can they now shake off the shame of their long
ordeal?

The ability to endure suffering without being shamed is a mark of
maturity for God’s servants. It is the perseverance that accompanies
real faith. Paul said in 2 Timothy 1:8, “Do not be ashamed of the
testimony of our Lord or of me His prisoner…” In verse 12, he writes,
“I suffer these things, but I am not ashamed.” His self-esteem was not
connected to his circumstances. His identity and affirmation came from
God not from men.

When I make a mistake, or when I realize I have sinned and need to
confess it, I know to accept the blame, but not the shame. What do I
mean by that? I mean that I accept responsibility for what I have done.
I own up to my failure, my error, or my sin. But I quickly take it to
God and put it in the light with Him. God is quick to forgive me and to
erase the record. (See 1 John 1:9-10) Shame cannot remain present when
the healing light of God shines on it!

For those of you who have endured the crippling effects of prolonged
shame, the Lord has a promise for you: “You will forget the shame of
your youth.” (Is. 54:4-6) The rejection and the grief can be healed
permanently by walking in the light of truth about Jesus Christ and the
truth of who we have become by faith in the Son of God.

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“The Shame Game!”© 2004 by Touched by Grace Inc, P.O. Box 12749,
Wilmington, NC 28405. For more resources, visit www.touchedbygrace.org.